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LINK to the Portfolio: https://sites.google.com/view/crayonandonand/home

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Rama says this Portfolio is worth checking out. Source.

Comments

  1. Hi Alex! Just got done reading the story about Lo and Behold and it was an enjoyable read. The first thing that I noticed was when I read the authors note for the story and I am glad that it seems we have a some what similar outlook on Rama. I feel like the Rama in all the stories is always given praise in some way for whatever he does even if there are some people that get hurt from it or are against it, he seems to always come out on top.

    Now as far the story goes I found I was able to stay engaged and I think that was because the transitions between the different parts of the story flowed together. There were a few portions of the story around the area when the brother came back that I was starting to get lost a little in keeping up with what is happening. I'm not sure if this is due to the implementation of the narrator coming into the story and speaking also and the interaction that the characters have with him. However, the little subtle jokes that are interjected into the later part of the story definitely add to keeping the reader engaged. I would almost go to say that I think the communication between the narrator and the characters could be expanded just a little more.

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  2. Hey Alex! I really liked your project so far. I like how you added something to the homepage to make it fun. It instantly made a connection with your reader and I really liked that. I also liked your story about Lo and Behold. It was really fun and creative and I really liked the 'satirical fairy tale' aspect you went for. I also think you did an amazing job with your Author's Note. It really helped me understand the story more and I liked how you explained why you changed what you did. The best thing to do in the rewrites of stories we're doing to change what you didn't like to make it a better story. My only suggestion is that the narrator seemed randomly inserted into the story because he came into the picture so late. I think it would help to mention him earlier or to possibly just entirely remove him. I did like how he was a part of the story though, so I think if you make him a character earlier on it'll really work. I'm excited to see what your other stories are down the road.

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  3. Hey Alex! I love the story, and the way you're interacting with your own stories. Excited to see how it plays out in your further posts. I particularly like how seamlessly you integrate description of setting, dialogue, and action together--it keeps the reader consistently engaged, and I feel like as a writer it is easy to misjudge that balance.

    A couple of things popped out to me as I was reading. First, the introduction to yourself as the narrator: Is the couch you're sitting on in the same room as the action is taking place, or are you sort of outside of the action, as narrators typically are? Also, I think if make it clearer who you are implicitly (being just slightly more present may help with that), you wouldn't need to explicitly label yourself as a narrator, and the reader could just accept you as part of their reading experience. People may still get confused though, so I understand why you may choose to leave that explicit.
    What do you mean when you say, "And anyway, you'd still end up dead dude"? As in he'd still end up dead even if you didn't intervene? Even if it did happen the way it did with Vali? I'm not sure what the implied "if" is in this statement.
    Also, why does Behold recoil in faux-shock? Isn't he legitimately surprised, because otherwise he wouldn't have gone on the rant that he did?

    Also, love the puns and subtle humor woven in throughout.

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  4. Well….I couldn’t not click on this one with a title like that! I’m one of THOSE people who judge an actual book by the cover…or title. So I like to find the interesting titled stories. Great job on grabbing people’s attention with your opening title! The story I read was Lo and Behold.

    I know that you really enjoyed the narrator part of the story, but I’ll admit, I didn’t love it. When you started out, you had a great style going. The first part when the narrator broke in seemed off. Maybe that was your intention, to have a different style than the characters of your story, but I feel it really detracted from the main story. Maybe if the parts of the narrator were reworked a little it would flow better with the story? The main story you were tell was great so I just didn’t want it to take away from that.

    I also liked that you put such a focus on the carrots. It seems like such a small detail, but it was one that was brought up throughout the story and had significant importance to the crowning process. It also felt like a big part of the story because of the picture you chose for your banner.

    Overall, I really liked how you retold this story. Your dialogue was light and easy to follow. You had good character development and the names brought an element of humor into the story. Great job!

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  5. Hi Alex, I like how you started off with the "Lo and Behold" like many other people enjoyed as well. It was a unique way to start off the story since it immediately got me hooked and got me wondering what is going to happen next. The project is very good so far and I like the setup of your page as it makes it seem light and on a fun note making it seem like a storybook or a fairy tale. The dialogue really helped make the reader more involved and allowed the audience to be a part of the story starting from the introduction itself. One thing I would comment on to make better or something that would be easier to understand the next time you make a story would be the fact that there could be some emotion or dynamic of the story. Also, I thought at the beginning that this would be a boring storybook but you definitely changed my mind and proved that never judge a book by its cover since yours ended up being really interesting. Good job on opening strong and ending on the same high note.

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  6. Hi Alex, I liked reading your second story because it showed that you have related the Pandavas to your gambling and poker game. I really liked the amount of dialogue you have included in your project because it allows the audience to understand what is going on and allows me to follow around easier than other projects. Dialogue keeps the conversation going and easier to follow. I also like how the author's note included the Pandava brother's experiences and how it relates to the dice games. But then used a narrator part who was narrating the story as it went along but narrating it as a character of the story. The beginning was really good and then I kind of got lost during the middle and although the narrator part was something unique, I felt confused with who was saying what. I could tell what the main story was supposed to be and maybe if the characters were just the ones who had the focus of the story then maybe the style and understanding would be a little more clearer. Good job overall though!

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  7. Hi, Alex! I just want to say that I really enjoy your sense of humor. I remember reading your first story earlier on in the semester and it was so fun to get to read it again! I appreciated your use of dialogue throughout the story. It was just enough to give the characters a voice, which was nice to see as a reader. I especially enjoy the exchange between Lo and Behold towards the end. It’s sad and scandalous, but the way you’ve written it is delightfully laced with dry humor! I love it! Incorporating the narrator into the story is so refreshing and gives a really nice twist to the plot. The ending is full of dark humor, which is hard to do, but you do it well.

    In your second story, I really enjoyed your modern day twist on this story from the Mahabharata. I thought your detail about Gramma Gertie included at the beginning and the end really appealed to the senses and helped tie the beginning of the story to the end of the story in a very subtle, but effective way.

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  8. Hey Alex! First of all, I would like to comment on your story book title. It made me laugh and I thought it was really creative, and although you said "read at your own risk" I felt the need to read your stories more. When first visiting your page I thought it looked really clean and professional. I love the images you used for the home page, they look really clear and give a good visual representation as to what your story book would be about. As far as navigating the website, it was very easy to do and I had no trouble finding each of your stories. The images you used for each story tied together with what you were writing and looked good on every page. The first story you wrote was very fun to read. I love the story of Sugreeva and Vali so it was interesting to see your take on their friendship. Overall, great job! I look forward to reading more.

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  9. Hi Alex, I'm really loving the stories you're choosing to revamp! The stories of Sugriva stealing the throne from Vali and Yudhishthira gambling away all of their wealth are unsettling portions of the Ramayana and Mahabharata. In the tales where the main characters are known for their righteousness and intelligence, these events stand in stark contrast. I thought "The Bowling Showdown" was going to cover Karna being denied by Draupadi after winning her tournament as that is another story that ignores the mistreatment of others, although the final battle scene is another great translation! I love the narration and it's clear that you have a solid understanding of what makes a good story!
    Before reading your stories I was going to say that the introduction page is a little confusing, but afterwards I see it fits well with your overall theme. I would still suggest doing slight renovations to make it more visually appealing.
    Overall though, these are great stories and I am excited to see more!

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  10. Hey Alex! I'm glad your portfolio popped back up on my feed. It's neat to see how the stories you've added contribute to the overall feel of the project. Just a little thing I noticed--you have the comment wall linked at the bottom of your first two stories, but not the last.

    Image-wise, I think the headers do a great job of setting the mood for each page, and giving the reader an idea of what to expect. In the bowling story, based on your caption the image you chose is meant to convey Arjuna falling, but the guy in the picture to me doesn't appear as though he's about to wipe out. So I think either tweaking the caption or switching up the picture may help with consistency there.

    I still love the role you as a narrator play in your stories, and it was really well-done in your gambling story. Is there a reason you kept the narrator out of your last one? It stuck out to me as a little bit strange, like I definitely missed having him (you?) in it.

    Overall, I love how your Portfolio's developed, and it's very engaging to read!

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  11. Hi Alex. Right off the bat, I love the self deprecating humor and tone you use on the home page (I especially love the "Read at your own risk" page title). And I love that that tone and style of humor continued right on into Lo and Behold. I think the best word to describe this story is silly. Or maybe farce. Yeah, farce sounds better or at least smarter (it make me sound smarter, right?), so we'll go with that. Your Author's Note provides a great explanation to the story and what you were thinking while writing it. Moving on, the opening line of In Which Kevin Loses Everything (and Discovers that He Cannot Regain Anything) is brilliant! Again, your Author's Note does a great job telling the reader all of the what's and why's behind your story. Have you always been a fan of metafiction (is that even a thing)? And I still LOVE that picture you've used on The Bowling Showdown. I remember that from your blog.

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  12. Hi Alex! I love the title that you chose! That’s such a fun choice. I feel like it sets the tone for your portfolio well. The look of your site is nice and it’s easy to navigate. I really enjoy the images on the introduction page. The titles for your stories are nice too, but I’m going to talk about Lo and Behold! I enjoyed this one, mostly due to your take on Sugreeva and Vali. The mix of satire and fairytale was an interesting interpretation and it worked nicely. The dialogue between the two was lively and enjoyable to read as well. Your use of narration was excellent! The dry humor fit with the vibe of the story and made it more fun to read. I laughed at “carrot-nation,” I don’t know why and thought I should tell you. Anyway, great work and I look forward to reading more of your portfolio!

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  13. Hey Alex!

    First of all, I was very confused by your introduction/home page. I think you should embrace your stories more. Rather than saying they could be unreadable, I would talk them up. After reading two of them, they are great stories and I think you could give them a better introduction in the home page. Overall, I love the layout of your site. All of the pictures are clear and the words are easy to read, so I appreciate that. I have seen a few that the pictures were blurry or the words blended into the background.

    I believe I may have read the bowling story on your blog and loved it. I think I mentioned Big Lebowski vibes and you kept those, so that is great. I like how you turned something as unexciting as bowling into the concept for a full story based on Indian stories. I am gld you used this story for your portfolio. Great Job!

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  14. Alex,

    I remember being drawn to reading your project just by your title. It is such a creative way to peak a reader's curiosity by daring them to come read what you have written. I really liked your last story about the giant student. I thought it was funny and very creative. Did you decide to make the character hairy because you wanted them to resemble a monkey? I think if you need more to add to your story you could emphasize more on the characters dim wits rather than his physical appearance. Focusing on the paragraph content, I do not think anything needs to be changed. Overall I like how all of the stories in your portfolio are very unique and I think it shows how you experimented with different writing styles.

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  15. Hi, Alex! I was so excited to get to come back to your blog this week! It’s definitely been one of my favorites to read throughout the semester! In “The Bowling Showdown”, I love that you create a practical application of the Pandava brothers strengths by applying them to bowling. It’s such a great modern twist! In the bowling battle scene between Arjuna and Karna, you do a great job of building up the tension and anticipation as to who is going to win the match! Your use of these very eloquent words at the end combined with very ineloquent actions on behalf of Karna and Arjuna really creates a great sense of humor! In your story, “The Giant Student” I really enjoyed your characters. You did a great job of painting an impossible scenario in a very relatable way. The characters are all people you can envision and your subtle humor throughout the story is delightful! Overall, I think you did a really great job with all of your projects! Your stories are so fun to read! Great job!

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  16. Hey Alex,

    I want to start off by saying how well constructed your portfolio project is. Your homepage title really stood out to me. The ominous title "read at your own risk" actually gives an ironically inviting attitude, which makes any reader want to dive into your stories. After reviewing all four of your stories, I enjoyed that you incorporated a modern twist. I also really like how short and simple your title tabs are. Although the actual titles for your stories are longer, I like how you shortened it to fit the tabs of your homepage. I also want to add that you had great image choices. The images are simple yet aid the readers illustrate the point of view of the author. I do not have any suggestions to make, as it seems like your project is already finalized. Your portfolio project is a great example of how this project should be executed in this course. Great work!

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  17. Hi Alex! First and foremost I LOVED your intro. I found it very humorous and inviting even though the title may imply otherwise. I really liked your tabs. They give just a basic overview to make it easy to navigate. I really enjoyed your writing style throughout. All your stories were well written. I love your image choices and how they fit with the stories. The modern twists were also fun to see. Good job!

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  18. Hi Alex, this is my second time back to your website and you have created a list of good stories. The stories that are new to your site from the last time I was here are still really well written, you are able to keep the reader engaged in your stories. The site has really improved in the formatting and really like how easy it is to navigate the site to where I need to go. To go with your stories, your choice of images to go along with your stories really adds to the story plot and gives the reader a few ideas of what is going on. The structure of the stories and the use of separating the dialogue from the meat of the story makes it easy to read and helps the reader stay from getting confused on what is going on.

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  19. Hi Alex!
    The title of your portfolio is very intriguing! Your stories were definitely worth reading! I love the satire in your stories because it does a great job of creating humor! The end of your Lo and Behold story was really neat since you brought the narrator into the actual story. I loved this element in the Kevin Loses Everything story too. Seeing the narrator in both stories was unexpected and a pleasant surprise that added dimension to the stories! The specific detail of Kevin’s grandma’s smell was also funny. It was really interesting that you changed the end of this story so that Kevin couldn’t get his stuff back and I definitely agree that it makes the story more dramatic and the lesson more potent. I thought it was cool that you turned Arjuna and Karna’s fight into a bowling match. I also loved your giant student story. The end was funny when the professor gave the student an A in life and the student already knew she would have already gotten an A in everything. Great job on your portfolio!

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  20. Hello Alex,
    I want to start off by saying that your storybook design is very interesting. I also am a fan of each of your stories. I can tell you have a decent amount of originality to each of them! I would have to say my favorite was probably your most recent one called, “The Giant Student”. I liked this one because it was based out of OU and a giant going to school there. For some reason when I started this story I imagined a couple story giant attending classes in a small room. Upon reading further I realized she is just larger than usual. I also enjoyed the play on names that you did naming the small hairy guy Tiny. I wanted to of course smack Tiny by the end of the story. At the end I found the giants kindness and understanding awe inspiring. You somehow wrote a story that connected OU to giants to a morale lesson at the end. You did a great job!

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  21. Hey Alex,

    I have commented on your storybook before, but I noticed a lot of change this time around so I wanted to get some last comments in before everything is due. I love your page and how it is set up. I still laugh at the intro you gave it on the home page. Luckily, everything you wrote was very readable and I had a great time reading your stories. The pictures you have for the headings were very clear which I loved because a lot of people have had some blurry images in theirs websites. I also enjoyed how each story was different and I could tell you chose stories that you enjoyed reading. My favorite of your is the bowling one or the casino one. I cannot decide. Overall, it is a great portfolio and I hope you show others the stories you wrote because they are great!

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